


Burning for Redemption

by Hawke



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Guilt, M/M, Rape, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-14 13:45:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3412868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hawke/pseuds/Hawke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Cullen took out his rage and hate for mages on Anders by raping him back when Anders was in solitary confinement in Ferelden. Eventually he realizes what a horrible person he has been and hates himself for it, attempts to find redemption for it (and for Kirkwall) by joining the Inquisition. In the meantime, he falls in love with Dorian. Hawke shows up and he knows what Cullen has done. Cullen confesses to Dorian." - the prompt I found on DAkink on livejournal</p>
            </blockquote>





	Burning for Redemption

**Author's Note:**

> Check out the full prompt that inspired this fic at http://dragonage-kink.livejournal.com/11864.html?thread=46357080#t46357080
> 
>  
> 
> Contains:  
> self harm in the form of burning  
> self harm in the form of cutting  
> rape  
> unhealthy dealing with being a rapist/guilt
> 
> I am not saying that Cullen is innocent in what he did to Anders, but I'm going to go with peer pressure, a hatred of mages, a semi-broken mind from demons, and a twisted interpretation of "magic is meant to serve mankind" (thanks Andraste) being the reason Cullen did the Bad Things.

He holds the candle on his forearm near the elbow. 

In his time in Kinloch and Kirkwall, he had seen depressed and suicidal mages take knives to their wrists, but he - the inquisition needed the full and unobstructed usage of his hands. Some of those mages had died from their injuries, some had been permanently scarred and lost control of or feeling in their fingers, some had been lucky enough to escape visible signs of their trauma. When they met again in Kirkwall, there had been no sign of the self inflicted injuries Anders had -

"...Fuck..." Cullen mutters breathlessly as he pushes the flame closer to his arm. The smell of burning flesh is a disgusting, but not foreign scent to the ex-Templar. It reminds him of a different smell, of sex and sweat and -

_The mage is well known for his escapes from the circle. Cullen had considered him aesthetically pleasing, but was appalled when he realised what exactly Ser Allan had meant when he had convinced Cullen to examine the mage. His dirty blond hair obscured the Templar he was sucking off as another pounded hard into his ass._

_"Allan, this is wrong -"_

_"Come on Cullen, magic is meant to serve mankind, and what better way to serve than to service you?"_

_Cullen hesitates, watching as the Templar with his cock down the mages throat suddenly pulls it out to come over his face. The mage bows his head, sobbing, as the other Templar begins to thrust into him faster and harder before coming in him. When he pulls out, the mage collapses onto the ground. The two other Templars leave, high five-ing and talking about when they'd next be off shift to come back._

_"Come on Cullen, don't you wish Uldred could serve you like this?"_

_Cullen walks toward the mage and feels his rage bubbling at Allan's words. He kneels down, grabs the mage by the ass, and roughly slides his cock into the pliant well-fucked hole -_

He pulls the flame away to examine his arm. The pain is excruciating, especially as the flame's heat continues to aggravate the burn from the proximity he uses it to examine the wound. He deserves it though. He forced so much pain and suffering on so many mages in his care, and he turned a blind eye to the suffering of so many more. 

The least he could do was suffer this minor burn. 

He decides that any further burning risks irreparable damage, and his body isn't his to destroy, it belongs to the inquisition. After carefully wrapping his arm in a bandage soaked in elfroot to stave off infection, he opened his lyrium case and slid out the hidden compartment at the top. Etched into it were a series of tallies that numbered into the hundreds. 

He remembered the walls of Anders - don't think about him - the mage's cell in Kinloch and how he had tallied a mark each time he had seen the sun rise. He added a tally to his own collection, not for the sun but for the burn it could cause. One day he would not be needed by the Templars or the Inquisition, and on that day he would truly be held accountable for his heinous crimes, until then he would suffer this reminder of his cruel and callous deeds.

**Author's Note:**

> I plan to write more maybe but right now I'm saying it's just a little one shot minifill


End file.
